I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do with this blog. The original intent was to update my family and friends wishing to know how I was doing with my pregnancy, but as I an no longer pregnant I haven't been able to figure out a good purpose to maintain it any longer. Then I realized that there is something wrong with the way society allows mothers like me to grieve.
Basically we aren't allowed to. We aren't allowed to grieve openly. Sure people say we can talk to them, but most people when we do try to talk tend to get uncomfortable.
But what makes me mad the most are the things people say to us. So here is a lost of what NOT to say:
And yes I have heard these things.
"well it's a good thing he died cause he might have been retarded"
"don't worry you can have more"
"it wasn't a good time for you now anyway"
there are more that I haven't been told personally but you get the point.
What you should say is:
"I'm sorry for your loss"
"you'll be a great parent someday"
If you mean it say you'll be there to hold my hand while I cry or listen while I talk about how I feel.
So here it is. My blog is dedicated to mothers like me. Mothers who want to gain the strength to tell the world fuck off, I'm going to grieve openly, I'm going to cry because my baby died and I'm going to get angry when I see parents that don't appreciate their children, parents that let their children do unsafe things. Sometimes I'm going to cry when I see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby because I don't have what I should because for some reason God decided he needed my children more than I did.
So don't tell us to "get over it" because you wouldn't say that to someone who lost a parent or a friend or some other person close to them, but for some reason people say that shit to grieving mothers of unborn dead babies.
Maybe this blog will make a difference, maybe it won't, maybe you'll disregard me as a crazy chick that can't let go. But I'm not going to stop. I'm going to let others know how I'm grieving openly and without shame and maybe, just maybe, another mother will be able to do the same.