Unfair

I am so tired. I got a tooth pulled today and took a Vicodin for the pain. Taking the med made me incredibly sad, why you ask? Because you're not supposed to take that medication while you're pregnant, I am not pregnant and am allowed to take it which makes me sad. I just want to be pregnant. But it's like the universe is laughing at me, I look at Facebook and just feel like crying at all the pregnancy announcements, there's a new feature that shows you everything you posted on that day up to like 6 years ago. Do you know what I posted 4 years ago today? My pregnancy announcement for Alainn, then less than a month later I am having to un-tell everyone. It fucking sucks.

So I'm in the two week wait, waiting for fertility friend to confirm my ovulation by giving me cross hairs, I got the positive OPKs and temp dips, but my rise is happening slowly. I don't really know why, maybe it's because I got my hopes up too high last cycle, but I don't feel like I'm going to be getting my BFP this time around. I am really hoping that I do, because then my due date would be around Stephen's birthday and I would love the tribute to him. But at the same time I just know it's not going to happen. I've pretty much felt this way since day 3 of the clomid RX. I wish this was easier, I wish the people that got pregnant easily were the ones that actually wanted to be that way. This whole process is incredibly unfair and I'm really starting to have another crisis of faith.