Sunday, October 9, 2011

Going a little crazy

Declan's 2nd birthday is next week. I'm trying to stay sane. Key word being trying. I've been keeping myself distracted with my angel group, photography group, and thinking of trying again. I'm determined to try again.

The other thing that is driving me crazy is thinking I only have 3 prime days to ttc (try to conceive) this month. Bryan leaves on the 25th, I should ovulate on the 28th, meaning peak fertile days start on the 23rd. And if I don't get knocked up this month I won't get to ttc until December. And here is where I've gone a little crazy. I figured that if I get prego in january that gives me a September baby, BUT if I get prego in February I will no kidding be due on or around Declan's 3rd birthday. However my wonderful friends have made it clear that this shouldn't be a bad thing. Instead if I end up with another October baby I would no longer dread that month or those days. Sure I will be sad, but I would actually have something to look forward to.

So my goal when Bryan leaves is to full up my time by going to the gym, running, and trying everything I can to lose this 20 pounds before I fly to cali in December. What a surprise it will be when I go to my husband's graduation 20 pounds lighter and ready to gain it all back lol.

You know I was watching the Lion King yesterday and I found so much more meaning in it than I did when I was younger. Especially with the following quote "Yes the past hurts, but you can either run from it, or you can learn from it."

What can I possibly learn from losing my baby you ask? I learned this.

1: it's ok to hurt
2: it's ok to cry
3: it's ok to scream
4: it's ok to get pissed off
5: it's ok to move on
6: it's ok to be afraid
7: it's ok to share your story
8: it's ok to get a little jealous
9: it's ok to get distracted
10: it's ok to force your Dr to listen
11: losing your mucous plug a little early doesn't mean you're close to having a baby, it means you need to go to the dr and force them to check you and make sure you don't have an infection that can kill your baby.
12: and oh yeah, it's ok to go a little crazy

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