Learning to dance in the rain

It's amazing what a difference a change in doctors can do for a woman's mental health. Especially this woman's mental health when it deals with TTC. I've got a new ob and she is AMAZING! She has done more for me in 3 months than Dr Do Nothing did in 16!!! I've already gotten blood tests to rule out PCOS, I saw the RE had an ultrasound done to officially rule it out, and I got the CD 3 panel done. I'm waiting on the results, but I'm expecting normal results since that's how everything ends up for me.

I'm all at once happy and sad to hear that my body is normal. Happy because well nothing is wrong with me and sad because if I am normal it means there is nothing to fix. It means that there is absolutely no reason why I can't get pregnant on my own. It means that I fall into the unexplained infertility category which sucks because how can you fix something when you don't know what's broken??

But this time around I'm keeping the faith. I'm not getting crazy with the TTC stuff, no OPKs, no temping, no tracking ovulation, no freaking out about how many DPO I am, and defiantly no POAS before AF is even due. Oh and NO freaking clomad!! (Josh is very happy about that part alone). The lack of stressing about all that crap combined with me going back on my mood stabilizers and getting a Dr who is worth the title have all contributed to my positive outlook on this whole process.

I know eventually I'll get pregnant, I'll know eventually I'll get my permanent rainbow. But the question still lingers in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.....

How long will I be waiting??